My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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