when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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