it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize