He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
