just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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