I'm jealous of your bromance
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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