Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
