i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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