My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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