my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize