apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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