took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
