Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
