there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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