So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
