Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
