two words: eviction party
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
