According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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