I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize