So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
