How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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