drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
