You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize