Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
