1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
