i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
God, I missed his penis.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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