my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize