oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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