It's Friday. Sex?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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