Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
