we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
