and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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