Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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