let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My dick has a subreddit
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
