none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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