I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize