Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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