you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
