I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
