so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
