my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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