she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
