legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
