You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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