If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
