you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
