trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
