Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
