Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
