so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
