so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
