look no pants
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
