FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Randomize
