I'm going to jail i love you
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize