Where is the hickey?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
