yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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