sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I deserve this hangover.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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