Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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