Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
