He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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