I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
