remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
