I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
