Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
love makes seman taste better
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
