I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
