someone get that fucking seahorse.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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