Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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