I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
