A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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